How to Talk to Your Child about ADHD

Your child was diagnosed with ADHD, what now? Before you start building your family’s support system, talk to your child about ADHD. They need to understand it in order to own it and learn how to manage their ADHD. Here are a few tips to help you have this conversation in a supportive, nurturing way.

Your child was diagnosed with ADHD. The diagnosis means you noticed something was going on with your child and that their day-to-day was a struggle. You took the first step to help them (Great!) but ADHD diagnosis is only the beginning of a life-long process of learning and managing ADHD. The next step is talking to your child.

How do we discuss ADHD with our child? Many parents share with me that they didn’t discuss the formal diagnosis with their children because they didn’t know how to start the conversation or make ADHD “sound good”. ADHD does not sell well…

It’s hard to talk with children about ADHD but you should really consider doing it without delay! Your child is struggling and deserves to know why. If they are old enough to be diagnosed, they are old enough to hear the diagnosis. We want children to succeed with their ADHD, learn to use it to their advantage (it is possible!), and manage it so that they have a healthy, productive life. They need to know about their ADHD before they can own it.

How do we explain ADHD? What information should we offer our kids about ADHD? How do I go about this conversation?

Here are some basic guidelines you can follow, and adjust according to the child's age.

1. Be ready: Present ADHD as a condition, not a definition. ADHD is part of who the child is. It doesn’t define them but it is a real condition that needs attention and help. Think of examples from their daily lives that are related to their ADHD. For example, ‘You know how it is hard for you to sit and not squirm, that is your ADHD. But your ADHD also enables you to sit and play the guitar for hours at a time, which is why you are such an amazing guitar player!’

Important! ADHD has nothing to do with IQ or intelligence. Make sure you say this and reiterate it as much as possible! ADHD doesn’t mean you are stupid or incapable in any way; it means your brain works differently.

2. Keep the conversation calm and productive: create a safe and supportive setting where your child feels comfortable to ask questions and raise concerns by thinking of these ahead:

* Find the appropriate time when your child is relaxed and open to listening.

* Respect your child's privacy and keep the conversation private with caregivers and the child (siblings don't need to be around for that).

* Your child may or may not have questions so be ready to answer them or know where to get the answer from (for example, a doctor, therapist, coach).

3. Understand ADHD: before you talk with your child about it, educate yourself on ADHD. Talk to your doctor, a therapist, or an ADHD coach and once you have an understanding of the ADHD brain, find a good metaphor related to your child's world to explain how their brain works in a way they can understand. Younger children won’t be interested in things like Dopamine and brain structure, so use something simple. I have heard parents use, 'your brain is like a race car with a turbo charge' or 'I't’s like an extreme ride in SixFlags; going down so fast and feeling like you can't stop. For teenagers, you can explain the brain chemistry behind ADHD.

4. Name drop: a lot of very famous and successful people have ADHD. Michael Phelps, Adam Levine, Simone Biles, and James Caville all have thriving careers and ADHD. Find a celebrity that your child likes or can identify with and use them as an example (if they have ADHD of course).

5. Share your own struggles: if you have ADHD, share that with your child. You may not have the same symptoms but can model overcoming and succeeding with ADHD.

Remember, what you say should be constructive and reassuring. I do not support sugar coating ADHD (their struggles are not sweet). Highlight the positive qualities and abilities that come with ADHD; for example, you have more energy for sports', are creative, have smart questions, and can think about four things at once.

Remember to communicate to your child that they are NOT alone. They have a support system that wants to see them succeed. Their doctors, therapists, coaches, teachers, and family are all doing their best to help. ADHD doesn’t define you; you are a smart, funny, loved child, and you will learn to manage your ADHD and have it work for you.

Wishing you all love and strength,

Michal